Monday, July 12, 2010


I'm kind of dumb when it comes to fashion trends. 

It took me several years to embrace the pointed-toe on heels.  I made fun of them (they look like witch shoes!) until they became so prevalent that I broke down and bought a few pairs, a couple of years after they went out of style.  Same with the skinny jean which I looked decent in until I had Mo-mo and failed to lose those cough cough 20 cough cough extra pounds.

My sense of style used to run towards flip-flops, jeans, and graphic tees.  Right before I started graduate school, I had a serious epiphany.  I realized that I needed to grow up and quit dressing like a teenager.  So now I wear solid colored shirts, jeans, and flip-flops!  I HAVE MATURED! (hahahahaha no.  Now I just look boring.)

I like to think that I have good fashion sense but everyone thinks that.  Even the poor people on What Not To Wear think they have fashion sense.  But it's a fringed jean-jacket with puffy paint!  It can never go out of style!  That's totally untrue unless the puffy paint is black because black never goes out of style.  It's classic.

If I have to be perfectly honest with myself, I don't have great fashion sense.  I love tacky.  I'm immediately drawn to things like brightly-colored cowboy boots (I have a pair in red and lavender), paisley in turquoise and orange combination, and shiny things.  I choose my clothing with the same forethought and planning as a raccoon with ADD.

 I'm prettyyyyyyyyyy!

One of the goofier reasons that I am looking forward to going back to work is for the clothes.  I can rock a suit.  I look awesome in suits.  They make me feel powerful, as if I'm going to make a lackey fetch me a latte and then I'll fire some people.  I've tried to recapture those feelings recently but it hasn't turned out to well.

(Note to self:  Batman does not like being referred to as a lackey.  Nor do the cats respond when I tell them that they are fired.)

Most recent fashion purchase I've been pondering is Spanx.  It's not a girdle, it's a slimmer!  (i.e. it's a spandex girdle).  I'm kind of afraid that I'd wear one and everyone would tell me how good I looked and then I'd have to wear one at all times or everyone would think that I just was gaining weight.

I was looking at them at Dillard's and apparently now one set of Spanx isn't enough, you need to layer them for maximum fat-suckage.  So you double or even triple layer your Spanx.  I fear that this trend will continue until everyone is wearing 15 or so layers of Spanx under their clothes and their belly flab has migrated up to their neck and it'll look like they have a grotesque turkey gizzard.  Don't laugh, it's going to happen.  After all, they even have Spanx for men now (aka a "mirdle"). 

So how about it, ladies?  Do you love your Spanx?  (ew, that sounds dirty.)  Feel free to weigh in with a comment.  Men, would you ever wear man-Spanx? 


  1. I don't personally wear them, but all the ladies at work do.

  2. I also think that pointed heels look like witch shoes! Especially on me, for some reason.