Parental Misunderstandings.

My friend Shortstuff recently confessed to me that way back when Mo-mo was first born, she misunderstood something that I said.  And she was way too polite and grossed out to ask me to clarify.

We were talking on the phone, and Batman called to me from the other room.  Hold on, I said, Batman is calling me.  I listened to what he had to say.  I have to go, I told her. Batman needs my help.  There's a poop emergency.  

Being that Mo-mo was fairly small, what I thought I conveyed was that Mo-mo had managed (as young babies do) to poop through the side of her diaper and Batman needed a hand getting her gross onesie off and giving her a quick bath. 

What Shortstuff thought I meant was that Batman was having a poop emergency.  And she was rather alarmed and confused, having no idea 1) how a grown man could have a poop emergency and 2) what sort of help I could lend my husband during said poop emergency. 

I am actually impressed that she was able to look him in the eye after that.

You're never too young (or too old) to dress up a statue of a goose.

A funny thing happened on the way to the park today.  Batman, Mo-mo and I saw a statue of a goose...but it was naked.

"That's indecent.  If you're going to have a statue of a goose, you might as well put some clothes on it," remarked Batman.

It was like a light bulb went off in my head.  "OH MY GOD.  I NEED A STATUE OF A GOOSE, AND I NEED TO DRESS IT UP."

"I think you don't meet the minimum age requirements for owning a dress-up goose.  There's a rule somewhere that if you're going to buy costumes for a statue, you must be over fifty and also own a Pomeranian named Baby."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" (Yes, sometimes I talk in all caps.)  "I wouldn't put it in Easter dresses or bumblebee outfits.  That's just weird.  I'm thinking about creating tiny little outfits for a resin goose as an homage to some of my favorite fictional characters."

Batman made me a deal:  If I draw 10 sketches of the goose statue in different suitably awesome costumes, I could get one.  And make it outfits.

I'm thinking Harry Potter, James T. Kirk, Elvis*, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wolverine, Darth Vader, Princess Leia, Batman**, and Captain Jack Sparrow. 

While I do not yet have ten sketches of attired geese, I can offer you this one:

Why yes.  This is a goose dressed up as Harry Potter.

Next step:  Convincing Batman that I need not one, but four geese statues.  I could stage elaborate tableaux, including one with Harry Potter Goose, Ron Weasley Goose, Hermione Granger Goose, and the ever-popular Voldemort Goose.  Plus, there could be the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle-Geese.

Maybe I need a new hobby. 



*while not fictional, he is awesome enough to warrant dressing up a small goose statue in his honor.
** The superhero, not my husband.  Although the idea of dressing up a goose statue as my husband does have its merits--mostly that it would probably embarrass him.